A Long Road Ahead

I love to be light-hearted. Most of my posts are. I'm looking so forward to Relevant so I can have a blast and be loud and laugh my tail off.

But this post is not light-hearted. It's a rare glimpse into my heavy soul...where I am right now.

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that my mother has cancer. It started out in 2004...breast cancer. She went into remission, but in 2008 it came back, this time on her bones.

I just can't write all that has happened this year...it's been the hardest year of our lives. Momma is living with me to be closer to Memphis and her doctors (among other reasons). The cancer is taking its toll. She is weakening more and more and the doctor doesn't know if any more chemo will help. He wants to try one more, if she is strong enough to take it.

Last week, when my sister, Carlyn, took her to the doctor, she wasn't strong enough. She was dehydrated; the doctor said the cancer probably caused that. He ordered IV fluids for a few days, something else new I had to learn to do. I also had to learn how to give insulin shots, since the steroids in the fluids made her sugar spike.

I have been prepared to hear that the cancer was weakening her. I have. But I don't know if I'm prepared for what will happen from here. I'm sitting here almost sick at my stomach from the things I've had to do today.

Am I strong enough for this? I haven't cried all day until just now, writing it out. I just wish I could go one day without feeling the need to cry, or try to hold something back from Momma so she won't get upset.

I don't often ask for prayer or help...I guess I don't want to sound like I'm whining. But I'm asking for prayer.

I'm asking that the Lord will give me, as well as my sister, who has helped me immensely, the strength we will need over the next few months. Please pray that I can physically handle what I never thought I'd be able to. I'm scared of what is coming. I'm scared I won't be able to get through it without showing huge weakness to my mother. I need to be strong for her.

Pray for my husband, my rock. I don't know what in the world I would do without him. He has saved me from myself so many times. He is my voice of reason. He is the go-between for my sister and me to my mother's husband (that is a whole other story I won't go into, but suffice it to say we've not had the best relationship). But in being the rock of the family, he also is dealing with some of the same grief issues that I am.

Pray for my ten-year old Kiddo. He is hurting in ways I can't understand. I didn't have to watch my precious Mimmie die. He is watching his Grandmother weaken daily. He worries. He cries. He acts out. The other day he told me our children's pastor asked him what was wrong after he got in trouble in children's church for the second time in two weeks. He told him he didn't know. I asked him why he didn't tell him and he said, "I was embarrassed." My guess is he didn't want to start crying where the other boys might see him, so he just clammed up. Oh, my soul...pray for my son.

And finally, pray for my mother. I don't even know what to ask you to pray over her. She is in pain. She feels like she can't breathe very well. She hardly gets out of bed anymore. I have to take her to the doctor Thursday and I just don't know how she'll be afterwards. She had one of her worst days last doctor's visit.

And I'm sure she's scared. She will be with Jesus, but just isn't ready to go home yet.

Thank you, if you've read this far. Thank you for praying, for those of you who will. I am praying God blesses you greatly for sacrificing a little time to pray for my family.

Just a Quick Post...

WOW.

That's all I can say about this weekend. All of it, really. But I don't have the time or energy to put on here all I want to. Oh, I'll post about it, just not at the moment.

What I DO have the time and energy to do is show you my rockin' hair. I wish I could have Hollie come do my hair every morning. Sigh...I guess with a husband and a baby that would be pretty impossible for her to do. Oh, well.

Is it not soooooo stinkin' cute? Can I say that about my own hair? I hope so, because I've been squealing about it since Friday. This picture was actually taken last night after she came early before the concert to fix it all purty.

Have I said I love it? Well, I do. Just so you know. You know, I'm feelin' a little sassy....

Mmm-hmm...

I'm such a goob.

What I'm looking forward to...

Here's what I'm looking forward to in the near future...

Tomorrow night:

Third CD recording. How funny is it that I haven't said a word about it, and by this time on the first recording I had posted about it ad nauseam? Kind of like how my older sister has lots of baby pictures and somehow when I was born it was like the camera broke? Maybe the novelty has worn off, but the excitement hasn't. It will be a fun night.This afternoon:

Lunch with Kat. Taco Bell, no less. Ahhh...can't wait. No, really, I can't. She and I don't get to spend nearly the time together we wish we could. Before Kiddo was born she and I would sometimes meet for lunch at her house (which was in our subdivision at the time) and eat Totino's pizza. Good times.

Also this afternoon:

I'm getting my hair done by our Worship Pastor's wife, Hollie. Not only is she drop dead gorgeous, she also has a very squishy almost-four-month old that I want to smooch. A lot. I hope he'll be there. Oh, and she does hair like nobody's business. She's never cut my hair but wanted to do it for my birthday. Woot! Who am I to say no? She's been so busy we're just now able to schedule it. That it falls the day before the concert is serendipitous.

In the near future:

High temps in the low 80's. Wait...that won't happen for another month. Sarah Mae said something on Facebook about the crisp air this morning. Yeah...she don't live in the South, baby. It was 80 degrees and muggy at 6 a.m. today. Humididty at 74%, and rising, I'm sure. My hair is going to grow bigger as the day goes on. So...yeah, I'm looking forward to decent temps. And gold, orange, red, purple leaves. Have I mentioned fall is my favorite season?

What are You looking forward to?

Funky Crow

Now that the days of summer are quickly coming to an end, I have been adding several fall tassels to the ol'Etsy Shop.

An Acorn.

A Basket o' Plenty.

A Pumpkin (although it's sold, you can still request one and I'll make one up in a jiffy).

But my favorite one so far has to be this one. The Funky Crow. That sounds like some kind of dance, doesn't it?Well, it's not in this case. He is so stinkin' cute I can't get enough of him. Don't you love his expression?He's nesting in some black fringe, and underneath he has black and white polka dot ribbon mixed in with some black grosgrain ribbon. And that candy corn ribbon (psst...you have to read to the end). I have looked for it at Hancock's to no avail this year, so when it's gone, evidently it's gone. If anyone knows where I can get more, puh-lease tell me!

I'll be making and adding more fall tassels soon. I have a lot of custom orders I'm doing right now, but don't worry...the fall (AND Christmas! Woooo hoooo!) tassels will be out soon!