Friday, July 27, 2012

I'm a Bad Blogger

I'm a bad blogger. There. I said it. It's what I've been feeling for a looooong time. See how long it's been since I posted? February? I thought it was January but what's a few days? I've allowed some things to creep into my life that have sidelined my blogging. Since one of them is caring too much what people think about me, I'm going to list them here, not caring who wants to read it. If you find yourself here, I hope to give you some encouragement. If you don't, go have a Sonic Rt. 44 Diet Coke in my honor.

Here we go:

1. Caring too much what people think - (Am I hearing an echo?) When I first started blogging in 2008, I loved it. I mean, I luuuuhuuuved it. It was fresh, it was funny, it made me laugh, and it made other people laugh. No, I don't think I'm a comedian and I would flop at stand-up, but I have some pretty funny stories just because I'm a klutz. But somewhere along the way, I stopped writing for the enjoyment. I started editing my posts to say what I thought people wanted to hear. I wasn't transparent, and I HATE the way I feel when I'm not transparent. I can't stand it when people I'm around hide behind masks, and I can't stand it even more in myself. I stepped back and realized I didn't even know who I was as a writer anymore.

2.  Wanting recognition -  I wanted to be a part of group blogs like (in)courage (among others) and. I felt like a writing failure because I wasn't invited to join any writing group. I wanted to be acknowledged for what I wrote on my own blog as well. When I didn't reach X amount of comments, I felt like I was a failure.  If I had so many comments on a post, then that post was successful. If I had none, then it was a failure. I would tweet my posts, facebook them, you know...just like everyone does. But I started doing it not because I had a message I wanted to get out there, I did it because I wanted someone to recognize me.

3. Not being as "spiritual" as I wanted to be - There are so many great bloggers out there who know the Word of God. They are called as writers to help us understand it and make it come alive. I knew the messages in my heart, but every time I tried to write them down, they all sounded so flat and boring and nothing even I wanted to read, much less expect anyone else to read. I think I was writing what sounded like what other people were writing, not what I was supposed to be writing of myself.

4. Not having a "vision" of where I wanted my blog to go - Why do I need a "vision"? When I started writing in 2008, my vision was, admittedly, a little unrealistic. I wanted to be the next Pioneer Woman. Heh. So...that didn't work out. Just like the billion other PW wannabes didn't work out. But my realistic vision was just to write about what I enjoyed. Birds, my family, silly stuff, crafty stuff. And then, my vision got so lost in trying to be a million things to a million people. Trying to please all of the people all of the time...we all know how that works out.

This pretty much sums up where I've been. See yourself here? Well, I can't tell you how to get out of it, but I can tell you to listen to the Lord and He will give you direction. If there is one thing I've learned over the past few months is that He is trustworthy and He WILL give you direction if you listen, read the Word, and seek wise counsel.

Hopefully I will be able to post about the things going on in my life and the life of my family soon. But honestly, I don't know if I will. I may lose my followers, I may never get another comment. But it's not about that to me anymore. It's about writing what I want, when I want.


That's not saying I WANT y'all to leave me. I love y'all muchly. So, if you want to hear my rants and silly stories, I hope you'll stay tuned.

Just don't hold your breath.

11 comments:

La Donna said...

I LOVE this Heather. And I soooo mean that too. I hear you loud and clear on this post. So for all the million blogs out there, this post is the one that's ministered to me the most in a LONG time. LOVE YOU LOVE THIS POST!!!!

Heathahlee said...

La Donna...MUAH! :)

Dawn said...

i was missing you :) and i love your honesty. i think we all dream unrealistic once in a while...but i know i just need to write for me. i love what u share here, just the way you are :)

Stefanie Brown said...

Oh, Heathahlee, can I relate!! I've been away more from my blog lately than on it. Thankfully, after attending She Speaks last weekend, God has rejuvenated my desire to write and what my purpose is.

Thank you for being so honest!! I love your heart and appreciate your transparency.

Will I see you at Allume??

Barbara said...

Dear Heathahlee,
I SELDOM get comments on my posts and so I really understand what you are saying here. I've been blogging since 2009 and have changed my format several times in an effort to get recognized, but nothing. I have been super critical of my writing in spite of the fact that my family and friends tell me I'm good at it. My readers in large part are intimidated about leaving comments and computer stuff in general. I tend to have 20-40 readers daily, and I do post daily, so I can't say I don't have a "following." I still flounder and have multiple misgivings, but my DH likes for me to blog because he says it makes me happy and sometimes I even LOL at my own jokes. (a merry heart is like a medicine) I hope that you will continue to blog because I relate to you in a lot of ways and I just like reading your perception of life. I have wondered what had become of you. Now I understand. YOU ARE NOT ALONE with your thoughts. At the very least, you have convinced me that I am not alone in my thoughts, either, and it's okay. You have done absolutely nothing in your blog posts to dishonor our Lord Jesus Christ, but you have been "real" with your Christianity and the world needs to see that! I hope you will write more, bring us up-to-date, and be encouraged!!!!

Bonnie said...

You know how I feel about you, my sister who I will probably meet in heaven... I love reading what you write & I have missed you. I've been in the same boat you've been and like you I just decided I'm not writing my blog for anyone but me. It's my online journal and that's that. I pray you continue sitting at God's feet and let Him direct your path. It's good to read you again - hoping to get to read more. Be blessed, darlin'. In big ways!!!

CarlynB said...

Oh, Sister! We are so totally different, and yet here we are, in the same place!
I mean, it has been months since I've written a blog post, too. The thing is, I've never expected to be Pioneer Woman or Ann Voskamp - I started my blog to have a way of expressing myself but not really caring if anybody else read my blog or not. In fact, I haven't ever posted my blog stuff on Facebook and you know I don't Twitter or Tweet or whatever.

You know I'm such a REBEL - and I guess I'm a Rebel Blogger - so rebellious that I don't even HAVE to keep my blog going, so there! So, maybe I care too little what people think.

I know where I get this tendency to do my own thing - remember Granddaddy McC? The thing is, you've got the same background I have. Any time you find yourself worrying too much about trying to please everybody else think about our independent, stubborn, set in his own ways Grandfather. Put a little Carl, Sr. into your blog! :)

Anyway, I'll always be one of your followers, Sister! And maybe, one of these days, your stubborn, independent, rebel sister might start posting more herself.

Love you,

Sister

Heathahlee said...

Thanks, y'all. You all make me smile. :)

Jessica Heights said...

Hon, I think we all struggle with the things you listed! Of course, we adore you, and understand when you don't write here...but the blog world is a happier place with you in it. :)

Manuela@A Cultivated Nest said...

LOL! Wow! I was just talking to myself yesterday about my blog and how most of the people I started out blogging with are blog super stars now and making actual real money off their blogs and why don't I have it in me to do the same. I just don't. I just don't have the drive/desire/need - I don't know what it is. I just can't do it. I've always been one to do my own thing.

There's a place for everyone in the blog world and I think the most important thing is just to be you - be real - share things that are important to you. People will find you and those that don't like it well...do you really want those people anyway?

Manuela

Cindy Dowdle-Schoen said...

Heather, you've said it.. everything I have felt and wanted to say, but, well the first thing on your list pretty much sums it up for me!
Oops.. this is Cindy, (Purple Froggie's Clay & Stuff) I have started a new blog and will post from here from this new blog from now on. I'm now following your blog from this new one, hope you can stop by sometime.. it's still pretty new and tiny on followers.. :-)

You are fantastic! And a very creative person!

Keep up the great work you are doing !

Cindy