Friday, July 27, 2012

I'm a Bad Blogger

I'm a bad blogger. There. I said it. It's what I've been feeling for a looooong time. See how long it's been since I posted? February? I thought it was January but what's a few days? I've allowed some things to creep into my life that have sidelined my blogging. Since one of them is caring too much what people think about me, I'm going to list them here, not caring who wants to read it. If you find yourself here, I hope to give you some encouragement. If you don't, go have a Sonic Rt. 44 Diet Coke in my honor.

Here we go:

1. Caring too much what people think - (Am I hearing an echo?) When I first started blogging in 2008, I loved it. I mean, I luuuuhuuuved it. It was fresh, it was funny, it made me laugh, and it made other people laugh. No, I don't think I'm a comedian and I would flop at stand-up, but I have some pretty funny stories just because I'm a klutz. But somewhere along the way, I stopped writing for the enjoyment. I started editing my posts to say what I thought people wanted to hear. I wasn't transparent, and I HATE the way I feel when I'm not transparent. I can't stand it when people I'm around hide behind masks, and I can't stand it even more in myself. I stepped back and realized I didn't even know who I was as a writer anymore.

2.  Wanting recognition -  I wanted to be a part of group blogs like (in)courage (among others) and. I felt like a writing failure because I wasn't invited to join any writing group. I wanted to be acknowledged for what I wrote on my own blog as well. When I didn't reach X amount of comments, I felt like I was a failure.  If I had so many comments on a post, then that post was successful. If I had none, then it was a failure. I would tweet my posts, facebook them, you know...just like everyone does. But I started doing it not because I had a message I wanted to get out there, I did it because I wanted someone to recognize me.

3. Not being as "spiritual" as I wanted to be - There are so many great bloggers out there who know the Word of God. They are called as writers to help us understand it and make it come alive. I knew the messages in my heart, but every time I tried to write them down, they all sounded so flat and boring and nothing even I wanted to read, much less expect anyone else to read. I think I was writing what sounded like what other people were writing, not what I was supposed to be writing of myself.

4. Not having a "vision" of where I wanted my blog to go - Why do I need a "vision"? When I started writing in 2008, my vision was, admittedly, a little unrealistic. I wanted to be the next Pioneer Woman. Heh. So...that didn't work out. Just like the billion other PW wannabes didn't work out. But my realistic vision was just to write about what I enjoyed. Birds, my family, silly stuff, crafty stuff. And then, my vision got so lost in trying to be a million things to a million people. Trying to please all of the people all of the time...we all know how that works out.

This pretty much sums up where I've been. See yourself here? Well, I can't tell you how to get out of it, but I can tell you to listen to the Lord and He will give you direction. If there is one thing I've learned over the past few months is that He is trustworthy and He WILL give you direction if you listen, read the Word, and seek wise counsel.

Hopefully I will be able to post about the things going on in my life and the life of my family soon. But honestly, I don't know if I will. I may lose my followers, I may never get another comment. But it's not about that to me anymore. It's about writing what I want, when I want.

That's not saying I WANT y'all to leave me. I love y'all muchly. So, if you want to hear my rants and silly stories, I hope you'll stay tuned.

Just don't hold your breath.