Thursday, June 26, 2008

My Foot Hurts

I can't imagine why. I was only outside spray painting some things. Well, there might have been this bee. Actually, there was a bee. But he wasn't bothering me. In fact, he was kind of on his last leg, and I felt sorry for him. So I let him be. Bee. Whatever. So I kept on spraying my merry way when one of Bee's buddies evidently thought I was the cause of Bee's demise. Boy, was he wrong. But how do you explain that to a bug with a stinger in his rear? "Excuse me, Mr. Other Bee. I'm sorry for your friend, but I am not at fault. In fact, I allowed your friend to stay in close proximity to me, even though I am deathly afraid of being stung by your kind. So if you wouldn't mind, please stop buzzing me and go see how you might aid your friend."

Yeah. That didn't happen. This insane Other Bee started buzzing all around me like he was mad and I was the cause of it. So I did my best dance moves (otherwise known as flailing of arms and legs) to try to rid myself of him. He wasn't so easily swayed, so he returned, even madder than before. So, what'd I do? I very calmly said, "Mr. Other Bee, I asked you nicely...." Yeah. That didn't happen either. I promptly dropped my spray painted thingie and split, so fast my left foot came flying out of my flip-flop. Now, lest you think this was some graceful run, I do have to paint the real picture. After my foot left its home, I lost my balance, reliving Atlanta all over again in the time left after my life flashed before my eyes. I fell. I mean I felllllllllllll. No, that's not quite accurate. I was in the act of falling, thinking I would surely land on the grass between the driveway and the patio...then thinking I would surely land on the was like I was in a video game, watching things fly past my head when I know I was supposed to actually land on them...then I wondering how much farther I could fall when FINALLY I smacked into the side of the house. Fully upright, I might add. So, technically, I did not fall. But I did hurt my foot.

Trying to come up with a solution for this not to happen again, I have decided to put some of these around outside, you know, just in case I ever decide to come near a dying bee again. Oh, wait, these didn't help last time...

Oh, least this time it was the other foot.
Editor's note: I cannot stop giggling. I have thought about this all day long, and while telling my husband about it the exact same words that described my Atlanta fall kept coming to mind..."When am I gonna land?" I am just too graceful for my own good.


Anonymous said...

Sorry you hurt your foot. But, what were you painting? A masterpiece no doubt.

See, me, I would have taken my can of spray paint and aimed it directly at Mr. Bee. That's not politically correct, though is it? Oh, well.

Prop your foot up and enjoy a nice cold drink on this very hot day.

Susie Harris said...

You poor thing! I hope it gets to feeling better really soon.. Take care of that foot and bee careful. sorry I couldnt resist, smile.. Susie H~

Kat said...

I finished bathing the horses, so I had time to read this. That's right any other people reading this, I was bathing not my children but HORSES. Anyway, all I have to say is - You scare me.

Anonymous said...

Heather, your stories are hilarious! I love reading them. Sorry about your foot, though. Hope you feel better soon!