A Few Thoughts

September. The last time I posted anything on my sweet little blog. I think about her every day. It's so strange, this emptiness I feel when I think about how long it's been since I've written anything. I miss it so much.

I had someone tell me not too long ago that if I really wanted to do something I'd find a way to do it, but with writing/blogging, I'm not sure that's necessarily true. It takes so much time and effort to create a post, and most days I just don't have the energy. I've gone back to work part time three days a week, so now my time is stretched even more.

There are so many things I want to write about. I've just come back from a mission trip to Thailand. What??? THAILAND! It was the first time I'd been out of the country since Australia. And was just as amazing.

Sound man is still healing from cancer. Still. Pain is a way of life for him now, but he does his best to hide it from everyone, including me, but I'm on to him. I see the secret grimaces, the nonchalant way he holds his arm, the quiet shake of the meds bottle. It's a journey the doctor has told him he might be on from here on out. It's so very hard to watch, knowing I can't fix it. We pray daily to the One who can, and if He so chooses, He will either heal or allow the pain to be glory for Himself. Either way, my precious husband is willing to go down the path.

Even in the midst of the pain, he still does amazing things for me. I have a beautiful new kitchen because he wanted to surprise me when I came home from Thailand. Y'all. It is beautiful. Oh, it's not huge now with all the bells and whistles, but it's beautiful. I look in there and almost come to tears knowing how much love was poured into it, not only by my husband but by my amazing, now-15-year-old (FIFTEEN!) son. AND wonderful friends who love me very much. I can't thank them enough.

I know, I know, pictures, you want pictures!

It'll come. For now, I just wanted to write.

Okay, I lied. Here's one pic, just to tease you.

Not Finished Yet!

It's been a while, and I hate that. But life takes precedence over blogging, and that's okay. I do have a lot more to tell about our cancer journey and what God has done through it, but it will be a little bit before I can get to it.

I miss blogging so much. I miss my online friends! It's amazing the road I've been on for the past six years (SIX!!!) since I started Butterfly Genes. A road I wouldn't have chosen for myself, but one that I know the Lord has carried me on.

I will be back soon to finish our story about Michael's thyroid cancer, and tell about what's been going on with me personally. Until then, I'll leave you with this.

It's very thought provoking. Actually it's just Jonathan and Beanie playing. But you know, whatever. :)

Low-Iodine Doesn't Have to Mean Low-Taste

Okay, that was a really cheesy title to this post, but it gets my point across. To catch up on our cancer journey, here are past posts:

My Husband's Cancer
"Trust"
The Diagnosis
The Surgery
A Little Help From Our Friends
The Waiting Game. Which Is Not a Game.

Y'all. Shopping for meals that contain no or very low amounts of iodine is NOT FUN. I had to buy non-iodized salt, but that wasn't a big deal. However, the rest WAS. No dairy. No egg yolks. No processed food. No pasta. No seafood. No soy. No restaurants. I remember standing in the grocery store in tears because I couldn't find natural, no salt peanut butter (I did find some at another store, thankfully). One of the most expensive changes was the chicken we had to buy. Any recipes we have that call for beef we just substitute venison in them, so it was okay to have. We know where that meat comes from and Michael processes it himself, not adding anything to the meat, so it was safe. The chicken we had to buy, however, made up for us having our ownpaprika" It was over double what we normally pay!

Suppers weren't bad at all, once I could find the things at the store I needed to buy. In fact, we really enjoyed the recipes. I made a Pinterest board called LID where I would pin recipes I knew fell into the "acceptable" category. I found several that we've incorporated into our normal menu rotation, particularly the roasted corn (if you click that link and scroll down to the picture of the corn, you'll see how to do it...so easy!).

Michael could have any fresh vegetables, but had to limit his consumption of spinach and beans. We were graciously given home-canned tomatoes by my sweet friend Becky as well as my second mom, Margie (I hate using the term "step-mom" when it comes to her). Those tomatoes made the difference. I made chili and sloppy joes with them and almost prefer those recipes over my tried-and-true ones.

I tried new things with fresh and frozen veggies and discovered that fresh vegetables weren't much more work than canned, and they t
asted sooooo much better! My favorite way to prepare green beans now is to pan-fry fresh beans. You should try it!

I also had to make up my own seasoning mixes such as taco seasoning, chili powder, and Greek seasoning. We now use the taco seasoning exclusively...it's SO much better (and better for you!) than the store bought kind.

Speaking of homemade seasonings, here is the LID recipe for chili with homemade chili powder...we love it!

Chili

1 lb ground beef (we used ground venison)
1 onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tablespoon chili powder (homemade - recipe follows this one)
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon cayenne (or to taste)
2 cups black beans
1 large jar of homemade canned togmatoes, no salt added

Brown hamburger and onion. Drain. Add all remaining ingredients and simmer 1 hour.

Recipe adapted from the Low-Iodine Cookbook from the Thyroid Cancer Survivors' Association.

Homemade Chili Powder

1 teaspoon paprika
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon oregano
2 teaspoons garlic powder (check garlic powder and make sure it doesn't have salt)

Combine all ingredients. Use with any recipe calling for Chili Powder. (In the chili recipe above, use this in addition to the paprika and cayenne listed in the recipe. )

Recipe from the Low-Iodine Cookbook from the Thyroid Cancer Survivors' Association.

Next time, I'll share what it was like being in the same house but feeling miles away from each other.

The Waiting Game. Which is not a game.

First of all, I have to stop for just a minute and let y'all in on a secret. I've called my husband Sound Man since the start of my blog in 2008 to have some sort of anonymity. He has since started his own blog, and uses his own name in his profile. So, I'd like to start using it, too.

Everybody, meet my husband, Michael.

Okay, back to the story.

To read our cancer story so far, start with these posts: 

My Husband's Cancer
"Trust"
The Diagnosis
The Surgery
A Little Help From Our Friends

After Michael was released from the hospital, we began the long wait before he could take his radioactive iodine treatment. RAI is given to thyroid cancer patients to kill any remaining thyroid tissue that's left after surgery. At a follow up appointment, the doctors explained what would happen in the days leading up to the treatment, and why.

Michael would be on a low-iodine diet for two weeks, then he would take the RAI. The reason for the LID was to starve his body of iodine, the mineral that keeps your thyroid healthy. They wanted any thyroid cells that might remain in his body to be so hungry for the iodine that when he took the "poisoned" iodine, they would just soak it up like a sponge. This, of course, would kill any remaining cells.

Armed with knowledge and a starting date for our diet and treatment, we left the doctors' office confident that we could handle this. Michael was to have a couple of shots of medicine that would allow him to stay on his Synthroid, the medicine that replaces your thyroid hormone so your body still functions as though it has a healthy thyroid. By staying on Synthroid, he wouldn't feel as bad as he would if he had to come off of it. The shots he would be taking would force his TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) level to go up to the proper level before he took the RAI. His TSH level was supposed to be over 35 (normal is around 4.5. Yes. I said 4 point 5. His was supposed to get up to 35. That's THIRTY-FIVE. Anything over about 7 makes you start feeling yucky. I know this from my own personal experience). Without the shots, he would have had to come off of his Synthroid in order for his TSH to get to that level. Confused yet? Welcome to the club.

The day before his first shot was scheduled, just a few days before he was to take his radio-active iodine treatment, we found out that there was a mix-up with the company that makes the shots and our insurance company. We, along with the sweet, precious girls at Dr. Amanda's office, scrambled to try to find a solution to the problem so that Michael could get the shots and have the RAI as scheduled. To make a very long, very frustrating story short, it didn't happen. We were so disappointed. Michael would have to come off his Synthroid in order for his TSH level to get to the point it was supposed to in order for the RAI to work.

We had been on the low-iodine diet for two weeks before hearing he would have to come off the Synthroid, and were already really ready to get back to a normal diet. The recipes were really delicious, but I wasn't limited like Michael was. I could have dairy, and eggs, and processed food, etc. during the day, but he couldn't. Supper was great, but he really struggled with finding food that was worth eating for breakfast, lunch, and snacks. I was making homemade bread (allowed...I made a TON of it!), so that was enjoyable for him, but other than that, he was really ready to get back to normal food.

When the news came that he'd have to wait for another three weeks for his TSH level to get over 35 to take the RAI treatment, the realization hit us that we'd have to continue the LID diet. Talk about depressing. The day after Michael stopped taking his Synthroid, he started feeling so bad he would have to stop working (he was able to work from home for a while) for a little bit and get back to it later. He felt awful. AW. FUL. It was hard for him to get out of bed in the mornings. By the end of the three weeks, it was all he could do just to get up and get ready to go to the doctor to have his blood tested. Feeling this bad, along with continuing pain from the surgery, was wearing him down.

During all this time, we asked everyone we could to pray for his level to be over 35 after the three additional weeks. Dr. Amanda didn't have much confidence that his level would be over 35 after just three weeks. She said it normally takes five weeks for it to get so high. So when the results came back, even though we had prayed so much for it to be the right level, we were nervous. Well, as He had ever since Michael first found out he need to have his thyroid seen about back in January, the Lord did His work. Michael's level was 85. Yes. EIGHTY. FIVE. Need I remind you normal is 4.5? No wonder he felt horrible! As bad as he felt, we were ecstatic that we were finally given the go-ahead for the RAI treatment. We were praising God for days!

Next post, I'll share one of our favorite LID recipes!

A Little Help From Our Friends

Our cancer journey started in February of 2013. Read about the beginning with these posts: 

My Husband's Cancer
"Trust"
The Diagnosis
The Surgery

Before I go into the waiting game we played before Sound Man's radioactive iodine treatment, I have to write a post dedicated to the ones who helped us through those first hard days in February and March 2013.

First of all, I have to say that I realize that I am truly, truly blessed to have my Daddy and second-mom, Margie, living 15 minutes from me. I also have a sister who lives just a little over an hour away. I am also blessed to have a church family that loves my family and me so very much.

They are the ones that prayed (and still are!) for us when they heard the diagnosis. They are the ones that kept me company during his surgery. They are the ones who came while he was in the hospital, some even bringing meals for me. They are the ones who kept my son, keeping him distracted during a very scary week for him. They are the ones who fed us for days after we came home. They are the ones that supported us financially.

They are the ones who loved us.

We kind of love them back.

The Surgery

Because y'all are precious people and several of you have expressed concern about us, I need to say here that what I'm writing about started a year ago...we are not going though this as I'm writing. It's taken me this long to get the gumption to revisit it all. To read about our cancer journey so far, go to these posts:

My Husband's Cancer
"Trust"
The Diagnosis


Note: I go into a little bit of detail on my husband's surgery. Just wanted to give you fair warning. Nothing gory, I promise. Hee hee.

As we waited for a surgery date, Sound Man and I took turns being the strong one. There were days when I just felt like I couldn't take the stress of waiting and worrying anymore, and Sound Man would be right there with encouraging words. The phrase the Lord gave him was what his testimony was every day.

"It will be okay. Getting 'from here to okay' is going to be tough, but it will be okay."

On the days when he was weak from stress, thinking the cancer might be spreading, and wanting an answer, I was there to remind him that it was going to be okay. "We have a hope that people without the Lord can't imagine. It WILL be okay. Don't give up hope!"

We knew the doctor was going to be out of town in March sometime, so the problem, and the reason we were waiting so long for an answer, was where and when to schedule it when there would be no interruptions in Dr. Jeffrey being his only doctor. What added to the stress was having to wait until a surgery date to coordinate Kiddo's whereabouts during surgery and hospital time, who would see to Jonathan (our Golden Retriever), how long I would be out as director of our church's homeschool program, etc. Without knowing when the surgery was, none of that could take place.

So when the doctor's office called one day and said the surgery might be the very next day, I think my brain imploded. I couldn't think of one productive thing to take care of, so what did I do? I bought new door mats and cleaned my purse out.

Yep.  Reeeeeal productive. But it turned out all the anxiety and...uh..."productivity" I had was for naught. Surgery wasn't scheduled for the next day. Sigh.....again we waited.

FINALLY we found out that it would be on March 20th. A month from the time we had found out it was possibly cancer.

The day of the surgery, we got to the hospital about 5:00 a.m., with surgery scheduled to be at 7:00. Before they went back, the doctor came in and told us he had already been praying over this surgery, which made our hearts so happy. Then Sound Man did something he hadn't told me he was going to do. He asked Dr. Jeffrey if he could pray for HIM.

As I sat there beside my husband's gurney, I had to hold my hand over my mouth to keep from sobbing as he prayed for the doctor's hands and skill to get every bit of the cancer out. How he thanked the Lord for providing a doctor who cared enough to pray for his patients. How he knew that this was going to be okay in the end. What an amazing man I have.

After he prayed, they wheeled him out and I kissed him goodbye, then headed downstairs for the long wait. The doctor had said it could be up to an eight hour surgery, so I came prepared with everything I could get my hands on to keep me occupied. My precious bestie, Kat, came and sat with me most of the day, and even brought me breakfast and paid for my lunch.

My in-laws came and stayed for a little while, but since my father-in-law was dealing with terrible, debilitating back pain, they couldn't stay for long (thankfully he was able to go on disability and get an implant that relieves some of his pain!). Our worship pastor came after Kat left, and visited for a bit, but by that point I was getting really antsy for the surgery to be over. The nurses would call every hour and let me know he was doing great, and for that I was so thankful. But I wanted to see HIM!

About 3 p.m. I looked up from my magazine to see Dr. Jeffrey coming toward me, still in his scrubs. He told me they took out Sound Man's thyroid, which took about three hours, as well as 30 lymph nodes and his jugular vein, since some of the nodes were attached to it. He felt the risk of taking them off was greater than just taking it out. That's what took the longest...5 hours!  He had told us that his scar would be minimal because he could stitch him up from the inside, but because he had to take out his jugular, he had to use staples instead in case he had a bleed and the doctor needed to get back in there in a hurry...just unzip!

Dr. Jeffrey told me they also took out some muscle tissue where the cancer had spread, but other than that, every sample they sent away to the pathologist came back negative for cancer, and he was pretty certain they had gotten it all. As soon as he said those words, again, I fell apart. So this was the second time I'm sobbing in front of this doctor in the same day. I'm sure he thinks I'm a basket case.

Sound Man rooting on the Memphis Tigers in the hospital

After spending four days in the hospital we were finally allowed to go home, and then the real waiting game started.

The Diagnosis

Our cancer journey started in 2013. Start at the beginning with these posts:

My Husband's Cancer
"Trust"

After waiting all weekend to hear from the pathologist, I had convinced myself that it wasn't cancer. Maybe it was a false sense of security, or maybe I was trying my hand at "helping" God with the answer I wanted it to be.

But as Kiddo and I were running errands, I got the phone call from Sound Man. He was crying.

"It's cancer."

Even though I knew it was a probability, when the reality of those words sank in, I just couldn't believe it. I listened to my husband tell me that the doctor had called him from her cell phone immediately after getting the news from the pathologist. He said that she wanted him to come in to see her husband, who was an ear, nose, and throat doctor (as well as neck surgeon) in the same office as hers, and to call him immediately to see when he could see him. Within two hours of hearing the news, we were in the surgeon's office listening to what was going to happen to my husband over the next several months.

"Surreal" doesn't even begin to describe how our lives felt.

Dr. Jeffrey (as we call him...his wife is Dr. Amanda. "Dr. Cunningham" would be kind of confusing in their office because they are both Dr. Cunningham!) was very matter of fact, gave us all the statistics we could possibly need, told us exactly what the surgery would entail, gave me Kleenex when I broke down, and gave us as much hope as we  could humanly ask for. He told his assistant to make sure to schedule the surgery at our local hospital when he would be in town, because HE wanted to be the doctor to see Sound Man every time a doctor was supposed to see him. We left his office unsure of when the surgery would be, but feeling better about the diagnosis and feeling GREAT about the surgeon.

Thyroid cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer, if not THE most treatable. If the lymph nodes had not been involved, he would just have taken the thyroid out, Sound Man would take the radioactive iodine treatment, and that would be it. But the lymph nodes were involved, so it was going to be more involved that just taking out a simple gland. Much more involved.

He said it would be called a "radical neck dissection," and he would take out not only the thyroid, but also all the lymph nodes on his right side, and possibly his jugular vein, depending on what he found when he got in there. Um...I had no idea you could live without your jugular vein, but evidently you have one on both sides of your neck.

So began another waiting period to see when surgery would be.

As Inigo Montoya says..."I hate waiting."

"Trust"

You know how in the past few years people have been adopting a word for the year? After 2010, my year for 2011 was "peace" because that's what my soul craved...peace. In 2011 we struggled financially; some as a result of how our 2010 had been, some of our own stupidity. We weren't trusting God with our finances, and I was a nervous wreck. I held so tightly to our money situation that the thought of letting go of it and putting God first in our finances scared me to death. So, in a giant effort to give God complete control of me AND our money, my word for 2012 was "trust." I had no idea that word would be crucial in 2013 as well.

Sound Man called me after his initial endocrinologist's appointment with these words:

"It's most likely cancer."

I was totally unprepared for that. TOTALLY. My brain went into panic mode. "No, no, no, NOOO GOD!!!! PLEASE NOT CANCER!"

"What do you mean most likely? When will you know? How does she know? Does she know what she's talking about?"

All these questions were either aimed at my husband or bouncing around in my head, trying to understand what I had just heard.

The first thing the doctor had done was feel around his thyroid on the outside. She told him she could see the lump even just looking at him. We never noticed anything because for one thing, he had NO SYMPTOMS, and for another thing, it had grown so gradually we just didn't notice it. After she did an ultrasound finding exactly where the mass was, she did a needle biopsy of his thyroid. Sound Man said she came back in with bad news: the cells looked cancerous. She was going to have to do another needle biopsy of his lymph nodes to see if they were cancerous, but that test was going to have to be done by a pathologist. She told him we wouldn't find out until probably two days from then, which would be Friday. He left feeling like a human pin cushion. That's when he called me.

There was absolutely nothing we could do but wait to find out what the pathologist's report said. On Friday, we waited and waited, and finally Sound Man called the endocrinologist to see if they had heard anything. They told him that the pathologist's office was closed that Friday so it would be Monday before we heard anything. MONDAY. Which meant the entire weekend not knowing if my husband had cancer or not. Not knowing if it was growing, spreading to other areas of his body.

We were scared.

Yet...

We knew his life was held in much safer hands than our own. Even during that awful, awful waiting period, we trusted our God. We prayed off and on all weekend. Needing time alone, we went to dinner that Saturday night and as we held hands and looked at each other I had a peace that God was in control. I knew that He loved my husband far more than I could even possibly dream of loving him, and that no matter what the outcome, He was still trustworthy.

That trust was tested over and over the next few weeks.

More tomorrow.

My Husband's Cancer...

I have tried several times to write this post over the past year, and every time (including this one) I have been at a complete loss for what to say.  I've started to forget things that I've seen God do, and I don't want to do that. A precious friend told me I needed to be journaling everything that's happened, and my first thought was, "Yeah, okay, I can get a notebook and blah, blah, blah." Then it hit me that I've had an ongoing journal since 2008. I can't believe I've been blogging for almost six years. Six years! What a ride my life has been since that first post.

Kiddo, me, and Sound Man at the Mighty Mississippi, summer 2013

If you have read my blog for any length of time, or if you know me personally, you know my mother passed away from breast cancer in 2010. That year was the hardest year of my life. It started with health issues for me, then a car wreck that totaled our van, then Shadow had to be put down, Momma's health steadily declined, and she passed away on October 5th. When New Year's Eve came that year we ALL were saying, "Goodbye, 2010! Don't let the door hit you in the rear on your way out!"

I didn't think a year could railroad me like that ever again. Until last year.

Our insurance gives us a discount for getting physicals every year, and even pays for the physical. We can't say no to that! It was through those physicals that I first found out that my thyroid was out of whack in 2010. I had a couple of nodules that eventually disappeared after getting on Synthroid, the thyroid replacement hormone.

So when Sound Man came home from his physical last year in January and said that the doctor that had done the ultrasound on his thyroid (they ultrasound your internal organs, corotid artery, thyroid, etc) had found a mass on his thyroid that needed to be checked out, I didn't think a THING about it. Like, not. a. thing. I didn't even pray about it going away, because I just knew it was a nodule like mine had been, and those had been a non-issue. Little did I know this is where we started seeing the hand of God  working.

His original endocrinologist appointment had been scheduled for April...4 months away. In late January or early February, he got a call from the endocrinologist's office saying they had had a cancellation and wondered if he would like to come in much earlier than his original appointment, February 19th. Yet another God moment. Again, I was not worried one bit, and for me, that's saying something. I'm a natural born worrywart.

During the time between the call and his appointment, he caught the flu. Got over it (or so we thought), then had a horrible relapse two weeks later which landed him in the ER for eight hours. Turns out he had swine flu. It's a miracle Kiddo and I didn't catch it. At this point we thought it couldn't get worse.

The day of his appointment, I expected him to call me after his he was done and let me know what the doctor said. When it got to be about 2 hours after his appointment time, I started getting a little concerned, but chalked it up to the office being busy (she's my endocrinologist, too, and I know how crazy the office can be).

He finally called me with words I NEVER expected to hear.

More on Monday.

Getting My Thoughts Together

For those of you visiting from Family:Story:Legacy, welcome! (If you're here because you are one of my awesome followers that are amazingly still followering me, Hey!) I apologize for not having more for your eyes to rest upon, or at least more recent stuff. I'm in the process of writing a series of posts about what our family has gone through in 2013. It has not been an easy year, but I suppose most families could say that.

I was so happy that Al asked me to guest post for him, because a) I love writing about myself (*snicker*) and b) Family:Story:Legacy has a mission close to my heart: passing down more than china and cowlicks to our children.

I'm so glad you've stopped by, and I hope you'll look around a bit. Even though I've neglected my blog over the past couple of years, I still love it. Every once in a while I'll go through some of my old posts and crack myself up with my stories, make myself hungry with my recipes, and shed a few tears with stories of my precious family.

Thanks for visiting, and I'd love to "meet" you in the comment section!

Happy Mother's Day!

I know...I know. I've been gone forever. I promise I'm coming back, but I'm not sure when just yet. Still collecting my thoughts about what to say.

In the meantime, my crazy friend, Jae Sims, who left our church last July to become the worship pastor at a church in Ohio, has created a "touching" tribute to all us Mothers. Trust me on this; you do NOT have to be a mother to enjoy! And yes, that's him singing. He really is amazing, and I miss him and his beautiful wife, Erin so very much. But enough of that!

Enjoy!

My Favorite Harlem Shake

While I owe you a huge explanation of the crazy that is my life, right now I can't stop watching Harlem Shake videos (the clean ones, of course). Things that make me laugh out loud are high on my priority list right now, more so than normal. And that's a lot.

Having said all of that, here's my pick for favorite Harlem Shake:



Don't you agree? *snicker*

God IS My Refuge!

I come from a long line of worriers. My Granddaddy was a worrier. My Momma was a worrier. And I fit that description, too. It's one Smith trait I wish I had not inherited.

So when Teri Lynne asked me if I would be willing to review a new devotional by Kathy Howard called God Is My Refuge: 12 Weeks of Devotions and Scripture Memory for Troubled Times, I was instantly on board.

As I flipped through the book, my excitement grew. Learning to make the Lord my true refuge from worry and fear is one of my top priorities in 2013, and from what I can tell, this twelve-week devotional will be an excellent way to start my journey.

(Read Kathy's bio here.)

Kathy covers topics like lonliness, broken relationships, uncertainty, trouble (boy, can we relate to those today or what?!), and discontentment, but the ones that stood out to me were illness, fear, and worry. I wonder why? *snort*

Sound Man and I  have had so many health issues (not life threatening, just really, really annoying) over the past few years that when I read, "Your heavenly Father is intimately familiar with your body. He knows when  you are healthy, and He knows when you struggle with illness or injury. You can trust Him with the body He so wonderfully made" (pp 61-62, emphasis mine), it immediately calms my spirit. Oh, I know I can pray that the Lord will heal me or my husband, but just knowing that He knows exactly what's going on with the intricately designed, hidden part of me...it just brings me peace.

God Is My Refuge is set up for twelve weeks, broken into five days each. Each day is a different aspect of the topic for that week. Each week starts out with a memory verse (LOVE that!) that deals with the topic. I love, love, love the verse for the week of "Fear":

I sought the Lord, and He answered me;

He delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:4

This verse holds special meaning for my husband, and has infiltrated my mind, as well. I can't really get away from it, seeing as how it's literally tattooed on his arm. But the more I've thought about it, the more precious it becomes. At the end of each "day" there is a "Memory Minute" that helps you memorize that week's Scripture. 

So. Good.

Each day of the devotional there is a passage of Scripture to read, then the memory verse reference is given as a reminder to memorize (!). Then one of my favorite parts of any devotional...thoughts by the author. Through just sharing her heart or reliving a life experience, Kathy brings an intimate way to make Scripture personalized. She then asks questions relating to that day's thoughts and Scripture reading, and ends with a "Prayer Prompt."

(Read an interview with Kathy Howard about God is My Refuge here)

By the end of the twelve weeks, I hope to have a better grasp on how to trust my heavenly Father, no matter what troubling situation I'm faced with. I think it's interesting that my word for the year of 2012 was "trust," but I find myself at the beginning of 2013 desperately needing the same word again. 

Methinks God Is My Refuge has come at the perfect time. 

Please visit Kathy Howard's website for ordering information.

Just as a disclaimer, I was given a copy of God is My Refuge in exchange for an objective review. All opinions shared are completely mine. 

     

Hope for the Desperate Mom

At the beginning of the new century I was a new mother, and a lucky one at that. My baby started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, complied with my strict feeding/sleeping/playing schedule, and was (thankfully!) not colicky. At the time, of course, I didn't realize how good I had it. Stories from friends since those days have made me realize how lucky I was.

In the years that have followed, we didn't add to our little family. Not necessarily of our choosing (I've always joked that evidently the Lord knew Kiddo was as much as I could handle!), but we were happy with just Kiddo. I never had the struggles so many young mothers do with more than one young child. Even though Kiddo was a challenge as he got older, I don't remember the feelings of desperation I know so many mothers have.

Until I hit 39. Yep, fast forward ten years from those days of schedules, a clean house, laundry kept up, suppers on the table, etc, etc, and it's a different story.

It may have started before that, but my memory is so foggy of that time in my life, I'm not sure. I was dealing not only with a mother dying of cancer, but also a body that decided to flake out on me. I had no energy, and trying to make it through the day of educating my son, keeping a house clean, and putting supper on the table at night absolutely exhausted me. I fell into depression, only getting things I HAD to accomplish done. My husband made supper more often than I did, and we ate out a LOT which wrecked our budget. Sound Man also did a lot of the house cleaning and laundry, as well. Guilt on top of depression on top of grief for my mother made my days unbearable. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease (a really scary name for having a thyroid your body thinks is a foreign object and tries to destroy), critically low Vitamin D (normal is 35...mine was 8), and anemia. Not to mention my child never did decide to suddenly become a compliant kid. All of that equals one messed up blob of a woman.

Desperate? Yep...I'd say I was. I wouldn't be lying if I said I still am sometimes...okay, a lot of the time. While my doctors have gotten my thyroid under control, and Momma is happy and whole with Jesus, I still have health issues (and more likely than not, heart and mind issues) that keep me down.

Which is why the words of a book aimed at mothers with young children are underlined with my pen and covered by my highlighter's marks.

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe is the new book, just released yesterday, by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. I am so excited for Sarah Mae, who has been a bloggy friend of mine since 2008. Meeting her in person at the Relevant Conference (now called Allume) in 2010, not three weeks after I lost my mother, just solidified to me what a precious person she truly is. I haven't met Sally Clarkson yet, but I know many of you have read her books, such as Educating the Whole Hearted Child, Seasons of a Mother's Heart, The Mission of Motherhood, and many more. She is a mentor to so many women just through her writing. I can learn so much from her!

I won't even try to summarize the thoughts I have about this book, because that would take forever, but I will share one or two quotes, just because they stood out to me like a spotlight was shining on them.

On raising my boy:

•  In the chapter called, "Oh Right, There's Sin," Sarah Mae points out that "...our children struggle just like we do. They have to fight the ugly in themselves, and it's no fun for any of us...This means we need to offer them loads of grace and affirmation, so that they can be confident that we get it and we are on their team" (page 42). My reaction is usually of the get-mad-discipline-first-ask-questions-later genre.
• In the same chapter, Sally says, "I believe that if moms understand how strategic their roles were in this battle for the hearts and minds of the next generation, they would grow in excitement about this great job God created them to fulfill. For me, it changed my whole perspective to understand that this was a job for which I was designed before the fall, and that I played a key part in God's plan of redeeming this world back to Himself" (pp 45-46, emphasis mine). WOW. Just...WOW. Oh, if I would make that part of my belief system!

On depression:

• In "When the Dark Invades," Sally says, "Hiding away in God's goodness and protection is an act of the will, choosing to turn my heart away from the dark toward the light" (page 60). 
• Previously in that chapter, Sarah Mae declared, "...I am not my bad days. I will not let the dark tell me who I am. I will give only God the authority to tell me who I am. I will choose to be a participant in my own life; I will not let this life or my dark days control me" (page 59).

Oh my goodness, there are so many more quotes I could include, but I'd rather you read the book for yourself. Other chapters deal with selfishness (Sarah Mae says she thinks she has a double dose of it...me to, girl, meeee tooooo!), the voices we listen to ("...there is only one voice that matters..." page 133), and, yes, housework. Each chapter begins with notes written by Sarah Mae and Sally to each other, and ends with questions to help you dig deeper into Scripture to see what God's Word says about it. There's something even more special at the very end of each chapter, but I want you to discover that for yourself (have your smartphone handy!).

Does this sound like it might speak to your heart? Please head over to desperatemom.com to order the book. And should you decide to do a small group study with Desperate (which is an AWESOME idea!), some great gifts are included when you purchase multiple copies (this week only!)!

Speaking of gifts, if you've read this far, you deserve some fun stuff! Head to SarahMae.com to enter today's giveaway (massages for a YEAR!), and yesterday's (one year of FREE HOUSE CLEANING! WOOT!)! There are new giveaways every day, and they only last 48 hours, so you better get on over there! The winners will be announced Saturday, and next week, on Monday, January 14, the BIG GIVEAWAY winner will be announced. 

What BIG GIVEAWAY is that, you ask? Well, it's a spa getaway for you and a friend with Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson!

But don't bother entering, 'cause I'm going to win. Just kidding! Get on over there and enter to your heart's content! More giveaways announced each day!

Let me know if you read Desperate, and how you enjoyed it! I can't wait to see what God does with this book!

As a disclaimer, I received a copy of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe in exchange for my honest and objective review. The opinion I've shared here is completely from my heart and was not influenced by anything else but the words on the page. 

What's in the Bible?

We LOVE "What's In the Bible?" LOVE it. If you haven't heard about it, just go to their website and look around. Ask your friends. Read Amazon reviews. You will wonder how your kids learned anything about the Bible before these DVD's. Okay, maybe not, but they really are good.

Narrated and performed (as in every. single. puppet. and voice!) by Phil Vischer of VeggieTales fame, each DVD is chock full of Biblical information. Some of which I never knew, and I've been in church since the womb.

Right now is a great time to make a purchase from the "What's in the Bible?" store. You can save 30% when you spend $30 or more. You will NOT regret it, and your kids will love it.

Here's the coupon:


Just a disclaimer...if you click the coupon above and make a purchase, I get a little bit of commission, as I'm a "What's in the Bible?" affiliate. But don't think that's why I'm recommending these DVD's. I'm an affiliate because I believe in them!

Buying Butter is No Laughing Matter

Unless you're shopping at Kroger.

I'm not sure my if feelings should be hurt or not...

*snort*

 

Thanksgiving Feed the Need

How did a weekend that started out with a car overheating and a sick dog turn into wonderful? I'm glad you asked.

Since 2010, the Thanksgiving after Momma passed away, my little family has served at what our church calls Feed the Need. We prepare over a thousand meals to give to families so that they can have a great Thanksgiving meal. After that first year, we were hooked and have looked forward to it every year since then.

This year was no different, so Thursday morning at 2 a.m. when Jonathan woke me up having to go out because of tummy issues (I will keep the graphics out), I was concerned our day might be messed up. Then at 4 a.m. when I begged Sound Man to take him out as Jonathan was hovering over my ear nearly having apoplexy to be let out, I was more than concerned. And, at 6:15 a.m. when he threw up on my bed, I was sure the day was ruined. Two more upchucking episodes and I knew the three of us weren't going to be able to go. Michael graciously volunteered to stay home with J-dog, even though he REALLY wanted to be there  with us. He said since he only had one working arm (he had surgery two weeks ago today), it would be better for four hands to go instead of just three. Bless his heart.

So, Kiddo and I loaded up my chocolate chess pies to add to the bajillion other pies to be placed in the containers and headed out. We had almost reached the elementary school where all the cooking, plating, and boxing takes place, when my car decided to overheat. Panicked, I called Sound Man and told him what was wrong. He calmed me down and told me it would be okay to drive the short distance to the school and not to worry about it until after we were finished. If he needed to bring water later, he would.

Amazingly, my car's temperature went back to normal just a few minutes after letting it rest, so we were able to make it to the school with no more issues. After we got there, the controlled chaos that is Feed the Need took over all thought. And to add to it, this year we added worship to the mix. To say that made my heart happy would be an understatement.

Pies were cut, cranberry sauce was cupped, rolls were thrown, food was plated, containers were stacked...well, here...this shows much better how it went than I can say with words...
 

You can see Kiddo at :22 being handed a stack of containers (he's wearing a black shirt), and you can see me in several places (that's my gravy ladle at :34 - hee hee), but the one I saw right off was the scene where we're singing and I have my hand raised. Oh, what joy to hear that many people lifting their voices to thank the only One worthy of our praise!

It was all worth it. The sick dog, the overheating car...it almost stole my joy, but I didn't let it. Oh, and by the way, Jonathan was fine after we left and Michael brought us water for the trip home and we had no more issues. Funny, huh?

We were able to share Thanksgiving dinner with some friends of ours and finished off the day happy and full (of more than just food!). I can't wait until next year!

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with happy memories and that you made new ones, as well!

  

My Favorite Shops

Several weeks ago I wrote a post about buying handmade for the holidays, and started to put all my favorite shops in the post. Then I realized that made for a LONG post, so I decided to put them all in a new one. By suggesting these shops, I have either made a purchase from them, received a gift from them, or really, really WANT something from them. Heh.

First, my Susie Harris sign is one of the first things you see when you walk in my home, and I absolutely adore it. Susie is a friend and a precious lady, and she would be happy to customize a sign just for you. Don't let my sign fool you...she has ALL kinds of signs, from family name signs to sweet nursery signs. Check her out!

Second, if you know me personally, most likely you've seen my Starry Designs robin's nest ring on my right hand. It's my favorite ring at the moment, and I would LOVE a pendant from them, too. So pretty! The ring is made from wire, so when you wear it for any length of time it forms to your finger just right. I love it!

Third, if you know anyone who has a thing for birds like I do (what, you didn't know I have a thing for birds? I guess it is kinda hard to tell. *snort*), you've GOT to check out Got Crow Creations. Sound Man gave me a little Tufted Titmouse for Christmas the same year he gave me my Susie Harris sign. It was a very good year. :)

Is that not the sweetest thing ever? She makes all kinds of birds, and all of them are so sweet, even the vultures. Yes, I said vultures. You've got to see them. She makes every bit of them from felt, aside from the nest, of course. She hand makes most, if not all, of those as well.

Now onto shops that I haven't bought from, but I know their products are worth buying. I met Dee from Red Letter Words at Relevant (now called Allume) in 2010, and I so enjoyed getting to know her and her husband Tim. Red Letter Words is a sponsor of the conference, so the attendees were the lucky recipients of some RLW greeting cards. Of course, none of us wanted to use them as cards...we all planned on framing them and putting them up on the walls at home!

Dee has some of the most beautiful Scriptures and sayings inspired by hymns and the like. If you need a special piece of art for your home, or if you need a unique gift idea, take some time and browse her shop.

Another shop that I'm dying to purchase from (or maybe get a gift from? Hint hint, hubby dear) is Krafty Kash. She sells THE coolest, hand crafted, one of a kind jewelry from vintage dictionaries, maps, Bibles, and sheet music.

I lurve her stuff, and she's always putting new items in the shop.Definitely in my wish list this year. She will even custom make a pendant for you.

One more (for the moment, anyway) shop and I'm done. I love Kijsa Studio's Etsy shop. There's so much to see! My favorites, however, are her burlap pillows. One of these days I'm going to have her do a "Mississippi State of Mind" pillow. Or maybe just ask for one for Christmas (this post is quickly becoming a very public Christmas list, no?). She does custom orders and can put just about anything on a burlap pillow. Browse her shop and you can tell she has a great sense of humor!

I also love her Compassion Crosses. Each one is a wooden cross with a decoupaged map of different areas of the world. One would be perfect for a couple who are adopting from another country (she can also add on the back of the cross, "For this child I prayed..." LOVE that!), or for someone who has served in that part of the world. 

These are just a few of the shops I'd recommend for Christmas shopping (along with my little shop, of course. Heh.). Not only do you get to stay in and not have to face the crowds, but many shops will offer free shipping and other coupons on their Facebook pages and such. Check them out and 

A Song, Some Tears, and Toast

The first time I heard Chris Tomlin's World Edition of "How Great is Our God," I cried. Anyone that knows me is not shocked. The thing is, every time I've heard it since, I've cried. Again, this would not come as a shock to anyone who knows me. 

To say I was toast after watching the video would be a grand understatement. Just something about the different languages and cultures coming together in worship of our Great God...it just does something to my soul. 

Enjoy.

Slow-cooker Mexican Chicken (and the potential yumminess within)

We love Mexican food. I mean, luh-huh-huuuuuve Mexican food. So many have expressed interest in my Mexican Chicken recipe, I thought I'd go ahead and post it here. First of all, it's not mine; I got it off Pinterest, and here's the original post from Food Gawker . However, we've made some adjustments and I thought I'd share my version here.

First of all, I changed mine to Mexican Chicken, because for some reason I don't like the name "Salsa Chicken." Maybe it's because it's so much better than salsa...or maybe it's because I when I think of salsa I think of tomatoes. Bleh. Don't be hatin'. If I could like them, I would. Do you know what it's like living in the South and not liking tomatoes? I feel like a traitor. But I like grits, so that redeems me.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Chicken. First, here's the recipe:

 Mexican Chicken

3 lb bag frozen chicken breasts (not thawed)
20 oz jar salsa 
1 pkg taco seasoning (I make my own using this recipe here)

Place chicken in slow cooker (Let me say here that I use an oval 6-qt slow cooker. If yours is smaller, you may have to adjust the amount of chicken you use), sprinkle taco seasoning all over chicken, then pour salsa over chicken. Cook on low for 6 to 8 hours until it can be shredded easily with a fork.

That's IT! How easy is that? Throw three things in the crock pot then enjoy! Ah, I'm telling you, it's my
favorite thing, EVAH.

Now, here's where you can have fun with it. We've used this chicken a number of ways, and all of them are scrumdiliumptious. We've made burritos, nachos, and quesadillas with it so far. Each batch is enough for two meals (for our family of three - and I have a 12 year old boy, so adjust to your fam's eating habits. Hopefully they are not quite as bottomless-pit-ish as my son's.), so we do one thing one night, then another thing the next. Here's how we do each one.

Burritos: 
You will need flour tortillas, cooked rice, Mexican melting cheese (NOT QUESO FRESCO!!! Don't ask me how I know this. Just trust the all caps and exclamation marks.) or Pancho's white cheese dip (do other areas of the country have Pancho's dip besides around Memphis?),  and any other fixin's like extra salsa and/or sour cream. We fix regular white rice, and when it's almost done, we put some of the juice from the crock pot and let it cook in to give the rice a not-so-white flavor. Then we throw everything on a tortilla and slather it with more white cheese. MMMmmmm.

Nachos: You will need the same as burritos, minus the rice and tortillas. Oh, and add lettuce. This is the easiest thing to fix. Just throw some tortilla chips on a plate with some chicken, top with your melted cheese and other stuff (maybe not quite so much sour cream...I think this was Kiddo's plate), and enjoy.



It was the second meal after last night's quesadillas. The quesadillas were something new we hadn't tried yet, but I got the idea after craving sautèd onions and bell peppers. So, I asked Sound Man what he thought about buttering some tortillas, slapping them in a skillet, and putting chicken, the craved bell peppers and onions, and some cheese (again, the Mexican melty kind) in them. He thought it sounded righteous.

In a word - yummalicious. I mean, this picture is from my husband's phone because we couldn't be bothered with getting the camera before stuffing our faces with this awesomeness. They were heavenly.

So, do yourself and your family a favor and make this chicken. Don't just do what I did here, make up your own take on it! I'd love to hear what you come up with...'cause I'm sure I'll be stealing it from you.

Happy eating!